Saturday, October 11, 2008
Here is how I feel, God
I need you Jesus, I am a sinner and I am so glad that you are there for me, to wrap your arms around me every night when I sleep, when I loose myself in weariness.
I am yours Jesus, pimples and all, I am not sure why you made me, but perhaps together, You and I can sing a few songs and heal some hearts.
Sparks
Friday, October 10, 2008
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Insights
Had some insights that I thought i would put down here.
In my studies recently(current class is on marriage and family), I read some information that particularly made sense to me.
Apparently women in a dating or marriage relationship need primarily to feel secure in the relationship. This explains a lot to me. It explains why women are distressed by men's silence. It also explains why a woman who normally has no trace of jelousy in her is extremely threatened by other women when she is involved in a relationship that is very tenous.
In a video series that we were watching the other night by Gary Smalley, he encouraged husbands to always do little things to make thier spouse feel secure in thier relationship. Just little things like calling from work daily or always letting thier spouse know where they will be and who they are with. Though Dr. Smalley recognized that it is difficult for him, as a man, to share about his day, he forces himself to do this becuase it is something that his wife values she reports that it makes her feel more a part of his life and ministry.
I hope that in my capacity as a family life educator that i get some opportunities to strengthen and encourage good healthy marriages and even help to save marriages in distress. I believe that it pleases the heart of God to help support the marraige covenant.
In my studies recently(current class is on marriage and family), I read some information that particularly made sense to me.
Apparently women in a dating or marriage relationship need primarily to feel secure in the relationship. This explains a lot to me. It explains why women are distressed by men's silence. It also explains why a woman who normally has no trace of jelousy in her is extremely threatened by other women when she is involved in a relationship that is very tenous.
In a video series that we were watching the other night by Gary Smalley, he encouraged husbands to always do little things to make thier spouse feel secure in thier relationship. Just little things like calling from work daily or always letting thier spouse know where they will be and who they are with. Though Dr. Smalley recognized that it is difficult for him, as a man, to share about his day, he forces himself to do this becuase it is something that his wife values she reports that it makes her feel more a part of his life and ministry.
I hope that in my capacity as a family life educator that i get some opportunities to strengthen and encourage good healthy marriages and even help to save marriages in distress. I believe that it pleases the heart of God to help support the marraige covenant.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Grief
Grief settles into your belly, with a dull ache, located somewhere below your heart and above your stomach. It takes away the appetite and dims the eyes. Makes it hard to lift your head.
It passes and fades and comes back to haunt after a certain word or situation. This could be sparked by seeing something that the beloved would have enjoyed, or laughed at. Something that should be shared with them....but cannot.
It fades again, and dims and you make a decision to go on. If you are really a healthy emotional animal, you choose to function, and move on, mechanically at first. Later, as you process your grief, over time, you begin to direct your thoughts into new channels and eventually look doggedly into the face of what happened and defy it to kill you. You start to force yourself to think in new directions, but make no plans, and take no prisoners. This is the path out. Push forward, look to God and cling to Him. He will carry you when you cannot walk.
Psalm 34 ~~Those that look to Him are radiant, their faces shall never be covered with shame.
It passes and fades and comes back to haunt after a certain word or situation. This could be sparked by seeing something that the beloved would have enjoyed, or laughed at. Something that should be shared with them....but cannot.
It fades again, and dims and you make a decision to go on. If you are really a healthy emotional animal, you choose to function, and move on, mechanically at first. Later, as you process your grief, over time, you begin to direct your thoughts into new channels and eventually look doggedly into the face of what happened and defy it to kill you. You start to force yourself to think in new directions, but make no plans, and take no prisoners. This is the path out. Push forward, look to God and cling to Him. He will carry you when you cannot walk.
Psalm 34 ~~Those that look to Him are radiant, their faces shall never be covered with shame.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Harvesting wheat
A vivid memory for me tonight, as I approach the untimely funeral tomorrow of my favorite cousin, is riding on the wagon as the wheat was harvested. There was this tall orange metal wagon, with a chute at the bottom that the combine shot the grains of wheat into as it separated the wheat from the chaff. Nance and I would sit up on the top edge and the cool, smooth grains would come cascading down into the wagon. There was a nice grainy smell and it was fun to ride behind my gramp on this machine. We especially liked to sit on the grain when gramp pulled the chute at the bottom and ride the grain down to the chute and brace our feet against it and let the smooth cool grains slide past us.
One time grandma found out we liked to walk in the grain bin and we got a whippin' from her for getting our shoes in the grain. I think that gramp never told her about letting us ride on the wagon.
Nance and I loved to play around the farm when we visited grandma and grampa. We used to climb up into the hayloft and play house. Making the bales of hay into different furnishings, depending on which way we arranged them. Bales of hay can really look like furniture if you are ten and it is twilight dim in the loft.
Nancy was the first person in my life to call me by my most common nickname. And I called her Nance. Cuz Nance if we were really being extra cool. Her stepdaughter met me for the first time this evening at the funeral home and when she heard who I was said that her "mom" often talked about me and the troubles we used to get into. Like how grandma broke yardstick after yardstick on our behinds because we always broke the rules. If grandma said don't go past the back fence into the neighbors property(there was a nice woods back there) we did it first thing, if grandma said don't jump in the hayloft, we found a way. She was my best bud growing up, we were like peas and carrots.
Why did we never get together in recent years my cuz? I am so sorry. I will see you tomorrow for the last time, on this earth, but I will spend all the masses for the rest of my lifetime praying for the repose of your soul. May you rest soon in the arms of your Savior and receive the peace that you never found in this life, my Nance.
Suz
One time grandma found out we liked to walk in the grain bin and we got a whippin' from her for getting our shoes in the grain. I think that gramp never told her about letting us ride on the wagon.
Nance and I loved to play around the farm when we visited grandma and grampa. We used to climb up into the hayloft and play house. Making the bales of hay into different furnishings, depending on which way we arranged them. Bales of hay can really look like furniture if you are ten and it is twilight dim in the loft.
Nancy was the first person in my life to call me by my most common nickname. And I called her Nance. Cuz Nance if we were really being extra cool. Her stepdaughter met me for the first time this evening at the funeral home and when she heard who I was said that her "mom" often talked about me and the troubles we used to get into. Like how grandma broke yardstick after yardstick on our behinds because we always broke the rules. If grandma said don't go past the back fence into the neighbors property(there was a nice woods back there) we did it first thing, if grandma said don't jump in the hayloft, we found a way. She was my best bud growing up, we were like peas and carrots.
Why did we never get together in recent years my cuz? I am so sorry. I will see you tomorrow for the last time, on this earth, but I will spend all the masses for the rest of my lifetime praying for the repose of your soul. May you rest soon in the arms of your Savior and receive the peace that you never found in this life, my Nance.
Suz
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