Roasted honey red stretch

Sunday, August 17, 2008

A confession

One of my jobs is at a local Department Store. I have worked there for almost 2 years supplementing my income as a part-time faculty member at a local college. VERY part-time lately it seems with enrollment down especially in my area.
It has been very frustrating to be going to college in a Bachelors completion program, and then getting bumped by faculty with more seniority and not teaching at all. This drops my income by 2/3 of what i made last year. So I work doing part-time work at one or two other jobs to make ends meet.
I have a lot of frustration in my personal life too. So I have to confess I have recently looked at my store manager at Macy's, a lovely, competent and kind lady, who is much admired, and about ten years my junior. She is a Christian that i have always been grateful to for creating a very pleasant and quality atmosphere at our store.
After a particularly frustrating day at home with my kids. I looked at Stacy(our store manager) and I thought, "God, why does this lady have looks, success, a loving Husband, money, and nice kids and I have kids that still struggle from my divorce, over 17 years ago, I struggle to survive and i have no one in my life to love and cherish me. Here i am in the latter half of life and I never did get to travel, or take my kids on the trips I wanted to take them on as children. My kids have never had the traditions of vacations as a family, and keeping the holidays that i would have wanted to keep with them as a family. We are a broken family. Why God, does this lady have it all?"
Wednesday night, when I arrived at work, I was pulled aside and told to "sit down for this". Our beloved store manager, Stacy, only 39, with 4 children at home, and a loving husband, was killed in a car accident the day before.
I feel guilty for envying her and her family. Now her children will not grow up with a mom.
What more can I say? Her life was cut short. I feel guilty for thinking that my life is so terrible.

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